We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize