I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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