we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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