I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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