there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize