i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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