You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You pole danced in your parka.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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