Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
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just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
there is glitter all over my balls
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