OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I touched a dick in church today
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize