I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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