they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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