Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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