and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
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Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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