Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
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We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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