the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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