I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize