she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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