Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Randomize
Follow @tfln