she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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