Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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