Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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