she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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