its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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