woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize