if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have demons in me.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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