So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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