my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I need a burrito and a hug.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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