Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
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I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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