As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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