You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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