I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize