YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
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after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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