he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
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dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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