The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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