Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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