Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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