Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
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I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
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Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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