idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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