"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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