You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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