The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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