Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize