I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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