thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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