That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
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Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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