Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
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Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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