The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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