I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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