I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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