haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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